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Month: June, 2014

Fairies of the North: Part Two.

A while back I wrote the first part of my friend Paradox’s treacherous journey into the “Torngat Mountains” in Labrador, Canada.  On the second day of his trek the hefty explorer suffered a terrible fall while setting up his tent causing him to smash his head against a rock.  Other than what I believe to be a concussion Paradox walked away unharmed.

The fall did slow him down.  He settled down in camp early.  Afraid to go to sleep – Paradox suspected a concussion himself – he decided to dig into his Elk Jerky and consult his logs, maps, and update his journal.  How he managed all of this with a minor head injury and snow pants frozen solid with urine is beyond me.  If you didn’t catch the first part, Paradox’s body did not react well to the fall, the poor man soiled himself.

Paradox suffers from what I would consider overly obsessive compulsions.  Once he starts something he has to finish it.  His journey had only begun and nothing was going to cut it short.  A good example of his dedication would be the time he stalked a Big Foot expert for two months straight to expose the man as a fraud.  He found the evidence he was looking for but something else as well.  The hoaxer was a CIA agent who was already investigating Paradox.  The watcher was watching the watched as the watched watched him.  Paradox wiped the man’s hard-drive, his servers and left a sex tape on the man’s desktop of Paradox having an affair with the man’s wife.  Paradox doesn’t like being watched… I suspect his alias is starting to make sense to you.  A lot happened in those two months of stake-outs.

Back to the mountains.  After a night of forced insomnia and drying his crotch with a flip-up lighter Paradox was good to set out again.  Lucky for Paradox, the subzero temperature and the pounding headache was enough to keep him awake in spite of no sleep.

The early morning was looking bright… it was summer in the arctic so I suppose it’s always bright.  Paradox was in good spirits.  He spotted a lone polar bear in the distance and he also identified seven unique varieties of lichen.  The man was in paradise.  He fished in a creek and drank from it’s clear waters.  He ran free in the grassy valleys.  He felt a renewed connection to his inner spirit and a connection to the land.  Despite the increasing intensity of the smell emanating from his pants, Paradox was sure that the worst was behind him.

That night Paradox set up camp in the glow of the low hanging sun.  He climbed into his still salvable tent and wrapped himself tight in layers.  The gentle hum of the creek – and his exhaustion – lulled him to sleep.  The banshee wail of a sudden storm jerked him awake.  His head pounded with renewed vigour.  The fabric of his tent shook and rippled like a beluga’s stomach after being paddled by a fisherman’s ore.  Paradox fought agains’t the blankets and furs tightened around his body from uneasy sleep.

A hole in his tent – from the previous accident – whistled a high pitch shrill in the wind like a lost soul desperate to be heard and found.  Paradox has a rare inner ear condition and is sensitive to high pitch sounds… which only served to acerbate his migraine.  The man groaned out loud as he struggled against his furry prison.  The whistle was driving him mad.

After moments of agony that stretched on for eternity, as described to me by Paradox, he managed to free a single arm.  He reached out with great speed and purpose, his finger on a collision course with the hole in the tent.  With the aim of a master archer, Paradox’s finger entered the hole in the tent plugging it up… but for an instant.  By reaching out with such force Paradox had propelled his large form into a roll.  His finger shot through the hole, followed by his arm.  In an attempt to regain his balance Paradox’s arm tore through the tent wall with a vengeance.

The man sighed at the site of the large hole in the side of his tent.  At least the whistle was gone, but hell it was cold.  Paradox began to pry the layers away from his body as a massive gust of wind forced its way into his tent.  The tent inflated like a warm plastic bag full of dry ice.  Paradox held his breath as the ground lost its solidity.

In frantic desperation Paradox thrust off his covers and dragged his weight over to the hole and stuck his head through.  Whether it be evil spirits or the worst storm he had ever seen, Paradox’s tent was now airborne.  He was five feet off the ground and climbing. The flight was short lived as Paradox’s body was slammed into the ground.  Another gust and the tent was airborne only to once again slam into the cold ground.  This repeated time and time again as he scrambled to find his knife.

With knife in hand Paradox slashed away at the fabric.

Freedom came as Paradox fell free from his tent.  He lay flat on his back as he watched his tent rise up into the white sky and out of sight.  It was at this moment that Paradox made a profound life decision, he was going to invest in an RV.

The man stood – head pounding, furs torn and pants reeking – in the howling haze of the storm and screamed at the top of his lungs.  He would not turn back and he would not be defeated.  There was a strange hum in the air, something beyond the snow and wind.  Paradox heard, and he followed.

– Bear Hunter

Not one of Paradox's photos but very nice.

Not one of Paradox’s photos but very nice.

NASA’s New Warp Drive Vehicle Concept

NASA’s New Warp Drive Vehicle Concept

I watched more than my fair share of “Star Trek” and “Star Wars” growing up.  The idea of visiting strange new worlds and civilizations has always fascinated me.  The idea that alien civilizations might possibly already possess means of interstellar space travel both intrigues and frightens me.  I definitely don’t want to wake up one day to a bunch of Klingons standing over me with Bat’leth’s pointed at my throat.

The above link is to an article I came across online.  NASA is still hard at work researching the possibility of “faster-than-the-speed-of-light” space travel.  I don’t know much about “Warp Bubbles” or how they work but I do hope they find a way to make it all possible.  I want to see this happen in my life time.

– Bear Hunter

NASA's new Warp Drive Vehicle Concept

NASA’s new Warp Drive Vehicle Concept

Fairies of the North. Part One.

I’ve met some interesting people over the years.  Most of which have been in the last three years.  I have a friend I met online, he’s quite the character.  I can’t tell you his real name.  He often goes by the alias “Paradox”.   I could only dream of living the life this man has lived.  I can’t give you specifics about the man, he is very secretive.  He does like to share his stories.

One of his more interesting tales he has agreed to let me share.  One thing you need to know about Paradox is that he is an explorer at heart.  The man has travelled to Egypt, the Barmuda Triangle, Tibet, the Amazon and the Middle East.  His mission in life is to solve the world’s greatest mysteries.  Most of his evidence he keeps confined to private archives – I suspect he doesn’t deem the world ready to know.  My favourites are his findings on Jesus Christ but he would disown me if I were to leak any of those online.

For some odd reason Paradox has a fascination with the Canadian north, particularly the remote regions.  He believes that there are great mysteries hidden deep beneath the ice.  One summer he took a trip to Northern Labrador.  It is the northern mainland portion of the province of “Newfoundland and Labrador”.  Labrador resides along the northern Atlantic coastline and borders the province of Quebec.  The northern tip of the province is designated part of the arctic and has a very some population made up primarily of aboriginal peoples.

Paradox decided – evidence or not – he had to explore a region called the “Torngat Mountains” before the end of his days.  Local people believed that the mountains were home to evil spirits.  All that scientists could find inhabiting the area were Caribou and Polar Bears.  Then again, it’s a massive area that few people dare traverse.  Paradox figured that if nothing else he could challenge himself both body and soul.  He also takes giddy pleasure in trekking where few if any had trekked before.

Paradox’s journey began in a small village on the outskirts of the mountains.  He wouldn’t reveal the name of the town to me.  He told me that he didn’t want anyone to retrace his steps, I think he didn’t want any women to retrace his steps.  Paradox has difficulty keeping his travel companion – Baby Yeti – in his pants.  He had some fun stories about local women smiling at him and calling him Big Bear – he’s a big guy.  Paradox spent some time in San Francisco a few years back and had some confusing experiences with men labelling him a bear, and inviting him to underground parties.  Paradox used to love underground parties… up until San Francisco.  Because of San Fran it took Paradox days to realize that these northern women were flirting with him as opposed to labelling him gay.  Just to be clear, my alias “Bear Hunter” has nothing to do with the above subject matter… just so you don’t make any false assumptions about me or how I came to meet Paradox.

After days of experimenting with different methods of boosting body heat in the village Paradox was ready to set out into the wilderness.  The big hairy guy is an expert survivalist.  He’s been hospitalized twice for experimenting with five different types of anti-vemon.  That knowledge saved his life once while in the Amazon, he doesn’t mess around.

His plan, was to hike 20 kilometres into the mountain valleys.  If he found any clues of any unusual phenomenon he planned to return for a more in-depth investigation a few weeks later.  His hike onto the mountains started out to be promising.  The long summer days allowed him to cover a lot of ground in a single day.  For a big guy Paradox has amazing endurance – I’m sure the single women in the village discovered much the same thing.

On day two things started to get rough.  Paradox was setting up his tent on a ridge when he lost his footing and slipped on some ice. Taken by surprise he reached out and grabbed his tent for dear life.  The momentum of his hefty body as it slid down the ridge caused the securely tied and spiked tent to rip clear in half.  Paradox continued to slide down the ridge with shredded tent in hand until his body crash hard against a flat rock.  On the way down he had become rolled up in his own torn tent fabric which bound his arms to his side.  Unable to break his fall Paradox’s head had slammed hard into the flat rock, it knocked him out cold.  He isn’t sure how long he laid there unconscious.  All he remembers was waking up with the tent fabric wrapped around his face and screaming “10 000 foot fall and I’m still alive mother fuckers!”.  In his delirium Paradox had waken up believing he had just jumped out of a plane with a faulty parachute – I can’t confirm if such a thing ever happened to him.  The moment he ripped the fabric from his face only to see icy mountains instead of a muddy field was a shock to his system.  The shock – and possibly a concussion – caused the man lose control of his bladder and soak his best pair of snow pants.  I don’t know why, but he insisted that I made sure I included that detail.  Paradox is a very detail-oriented person.

For the rest of the trip Paradox would have to endure the acrid odour of his own essence.  Despite my skepticism, he stands by the belief that this very odour played a part in attracting the mysterious “allies” he claims came to his rescue during the most treacherous moments of his arctic mountain trek.  I have to get back to work but I will continue with this – hard to belief if it weren’t for the photos he showed me – tale another time.

– Bear Hunter

 

Not one of Paradox's photos.  I just like the art.

Not one of Paradox’s photos. I just like the art.

 

Mysterious Deaths of Students Blamed on “Russian Yeti”

Mysterious Deaths of Students Blamed on “Russian Yeti”

A co-worker of mine told me this story a couple of weeks back.  It’s a story about a group of students who hiked up into the mountains in Russia.  It was meant to be a recreational camping trip.  The hikers never returned from their trip.  Their camp site and bodies were found in a state that can’t be clearly explained.

My co-worker didn’t mention anything about a Yeti killer, only theories that the campers had likely been effected by high levels of radiation from nuclear weapons experiments.  I stumbled onto this article today detailing the exact same story only this time including a theory that a Yeti might have been responsible for the hikers’ bizarre and grizzly deaths.

– Bear Hunter

yeti

Righteousness in Numbers

It feels good to be right, to know that your beliefs and way of life are justified.  That you have the right idea and other people/groups have to concede to your expertise.  You have people to back you up when doubt rears it’s ugly head.  Too many people share your belief so how can it be wrong?  I just described a common problem and definite fear and frustration of mine.  People feeling righteous in numbers.

History is full of situations where people jump on the bandwagon.  Whether it’s religious crusades, witch burnings, the suppression of scientific ideas or today’s consumerism.  Followers assume that if every one else is doing it that there must be enough evidence to back it up.  Why question something when someone else in the group has probably questioned it already?  What most of the followers fail to realize is that few of their “members” have bothered to question the group’s beliefs and those who have have left or been expelled.

People will fight tooth and nail to prove you wrong just to feel that rush of righteousness.  They will ignore the evidence you present to them, they will mock it and dismiss it.  How do you convince people of the truth when they truly don’t care what the truth is?  All they care about is getting what they want and feeling justified in getting it.

Religions aren’t the only groups that are guilty of this.  Government parties, educational institutions, corporations and even some scientific communities.  They can feel justified in doing whatever they wish as long as enough people agree with them… and those people only agree in hopes that they’ll gain agreement in response.

So much of our world is built on a foundation of self-gratification with only enough truth to keep technology working, governments somewhat stable, food sources available and providing people with a feeling of semi-security.  As long as anarchy doesn’t break out all other lies and assumptions are acceptable, as long as people feel good about the lies.  Who needs to be happy and healthy when you can be “right”?

– Bear Hunter

Self-righteousness at it's worst.

Self-righteousness at it’s worst.