To be different.

by Bear Hunter

I’m going to try something a bit different.  Something has been on my mind for a while now… a while being all my life really.  I suppose an anonymous blog is safe enough.  

I’ve never really felt normal.  As a kid I never fit in with other kids.  I couldn’t pick up on behaviour.  I didn’t understand why other kids behaved the way they did, how they came together or co-ordinated themselves as a group.  I just tried to be friendly.  Most would be friendly back but than they would go on with their business.  

My parents bought me a lot of puzzles and models when I was a kid.  I didn’t ask for them or particularly want them but my parents wanted me to develop a sharp mind.  The puzzles did give me something to focus on.  I never knew what to do around people but I always knew how to solve a puzzle and construct a model bridge or tower.  They all had easy to follow steps.  I could predict what would come next, unlike people who seem really random to me.

When I was a kid I didn’t have any friends.  Some kids would involve me in games which I appreciated and did my best at.  I sucked at sports.  My only real friend was my stuffed teddy bear Mr. Frederickson.  I relied on him a lot until I reached my teens.  You can say I grew out of playing with teddy bears.

My teens got a bit better.  I didn’t date but I did have a few friends.  University got a little better still, probably because half of my classmates were as awkward as I was.  I sometimes miss those days.

I still struggle with people.  I try, I honestly do.  I want to feel like I fit in somewhere.  I want to get married someday.  Maybe build a business of my own and have someone else manage the personnel.  My work is my life.  I won’t tell you what I do for a living, it sounds more exciting than it actually is.  I would like to have more time for hobbies or spend more time with like-minded people.