To be different.
by Bear Hunter
I’m going to try something a bit different. Something has been on my mind for a while now… a while being all my life really. I suppose an anonymous blog is safe enough.
I’ve never really felt normal. As a kid I never fit in with other kids. I couldn’t pick up on behaviour. I didn’t understand why other kids behaved the way they did, how they came together or co-ordinated themselves as a group. I just tried to be friendly. Most would be friendly back but than they would go on with their business.
My parents bought me a lot of puzzles and models when I was a kid. I didn’t ask for them or particularly want them but my parents wanted me to develop a sharp mind. The puzzles did give me something to focus on. I never knew what to do around people but I always knew how to solve a puzzle and construct a model bridge or tower. They all had easy to follow steps. I could predict what would come next, unlike people who seem really random to me.
When I was a kid I didn’t have any friends. Some kids would involve me in games which I appreciated and did my best at. I sucked at sports. My only real friend was my stuffed teddy bear Mr. Frederickson. I relied on him a lot until I reached my teens. You can say I grew out of playing with teddy bears.
My teens got a bit better. I didn’t date but I did have a few friends. University got a little better still, probably because half of my classmates were as awkward as I was. I sometimes miss those days.
I still struggle with people. I try, I honestly do. I want to feel like I fit in somewhere. I want to get married someday. Maybe build a business of my own and have someone else manage the personnel. My work is my life. I won’t tell you what I do for a living, it sounds more exciting than it actually is. I would like to have more time for hobbies or spend more time with like-minded people.